Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine

Posted by: NW Ponderer

Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine - 08/17/19 03:40 PM

Following its successful roll-out by the acting head of USCIS, the Trump administration is preparing to implement a new screening criteria for all US-related activities. This follows the President's declaration of a Nationality Emergency. Under the heading "fairness" all applicants for US services or representation, will be required to submit to DNA testing and supply genealogical records to establish their American bonafides. A point system will determine eligibility for services and ability to represent the United States. Those who do not meet the criteria will be Designated As Medically, Nationality or Ethnically Disqualified.

The United States Olympic Committee has been tasked to establish the new procedures, as they have experience with drug testing and were thus seen as qualified to conduct the DNA testing regime. In addition, as the new Acting Director noted, "Olympic Athletes represent the face of America, and we want to ensure that that face reflects what true Americans look like." Athletes who fail to meet the new criteria will be asked to compete for the countries they came from. In order to ensure independence of the USOC, it has obtained corporate ownership, although the actual ownership stakes remain undisclosed.

Details of the new system are hard to come by, as the criteria are deemed to be of national security interest, but sources familiar with the program's purpose indicate that points will be allotted based upon the "region of origination" indicated in DNA and genealogical records. "Obviously," the source disclosed, "European nations provided the lifeblood of America, so get additional points. It's only fair." The point system will be reflected in new judging and timing criteria as well. Rather than using the traditional lot system for assigning starting positions in races, for example, lanes will be assigned according to points, and a flexible starting block system will be initiated, moving those with higher points up the starting lane. Where moving starting positions is not feasible, time will be deducted from the outcomes to ensure that designated athletes get fair advantage. In gymnastics and similar events, additional points will be added to the score to reflect appropriate representation.

The next areas of emphasis for the new fairness program will be HUD, Education, and Commerce.
Posted by: BC

Re: Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine - 08/17/19 04:45 PM

Please tell me this is a friggin' joke...though absolutely nuthin' sounds tooooo odd for Trump.
Posted by: NW Ponderer

Re: Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine - 08/17/19 05:42 PM

"It's a friggin' joke." Although, apparently, it took someone else in. He demanded to know the source.
Posted by: BC

Re: Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine - 08/17/19 07:23 PM

Posted by: Greger

Re: Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine - 08/18/19 06:04 PM

I'm safe, Most my ancestors arrived before or during the Revolution and all came from Western Europe. I am the whitest muthahphucka who has ever walked this planet.
Any bonuses for being a ginger?
Posted by: logtroll

Re: Trump Administration Proposes New "Fairness" Doctrine - 08/18/19 06:46 PM

Originally Posted By: Greger
Any bonuses for being a ginger?