My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
*****************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
Then my wife said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started.....
Events on this date * 588 BC Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon lays siege to Jerusalem under Zedekiah's reign. The siege lasts until July 23, 586 BC. * 69 Otho seizes power in Rome, proclaiming himself Emperor of Rome, but rules for only three months before committing suicide. * 1559 Elizabeth I is crowned queen of England in Westminster Abbey, London. * 1582 Russia cedes Livonia and Estonia to Poland. * 1759 The British Museum opens. * 1777 American Revolutionary War: New Connecticut (present day Vermont) declares its independence. * 1782 Superintendent of Finance Robert Morris goes before the U.S. Congress to recommend establishment of a national mint and decimal coinage. * 1822 Greek War of Independence: Demetrius Ypsilanti is elected president of the legislative assembly. * 1844 University of Notre Dame receives its charter from the state of Indiana. * 1865 American Civil War Fort Fisher North Carolina falls to the Union, thus cutting off the last major seaport of the Confederacy. * 1870 A political cartoon for the first time symbolizes the United States Democratic Party with a donkey ("A Live Jackass Kicking a Dead Lion" by Thomas Nast for Harper's Weekly). * 1889 The Coca-Cola Company, then known as the Pemberton Medicine Company, is originally incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia. * 1892 James Naismith publishes the rules of basketball. * 1908 The Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority becomes the first Greek-letter organization founded and established by African-American college women. * 1919 Rosa Luxemburg and Karl Liebknecht, two of the most prominent socialists in Germany, are tortured and murdered by the Freikorps. * 1919 Boston Molasses Disaster: A large molasses tank in Boston, Massachusetts, bursts and a wave of molasses rushes through the streets, killing 21 people and injuring 150 others. * 1936 The first building to be completely covered in glass is completed in Toledo, Ohio (the building is built for the Owens-Illinois Glass Company). * 1943 World War II: The Soviet counter-offensive at Voronezh begins. * 1943 The world's largest office building, The Pentagon, is dedicated in Arlington, Virginia. * 1947 The brutalized corpse of Elizabeth Short ("The Black Dahlia") is found in Leimert Park, Los Angeles, California. * 1949 Chinese Civil War: The Chinese Communist Party forces take over Tianjin from the Nationalist Government. * 1951 Ilse Koch, "The Bitch of Buchenwald", wife of the commandant of the Buchenwald concentration camp, is sentenced to life imprisonment by a court in West Germany. * 1966 The government of Abubakar Tafawa Balewa in Nigeria is overthrown in a military coup dιtat. * 1967 The first Super Bowl is played in Los Angeles, California. Green Bay Packers defeat Kansas City Chiefs 35-10 * 1969 The Soviet Union launches Soyuz 5. * 1970 After a 32-month fight for independence from Nigeria, Biafra surrenders. * 1970 Muammar al-Qaddafi is proclaimed premier of Libya. * 1973 Vietnam War: Citing progress in peace negotiations, President Richard Nixon announces the suspension of offensive action in North Vietnam. * 1974 Dennis Rader aka the BTK Killer kills his first victims by binding, torturing and murdering Joseph, Joseph II, Josephine and Julie Otero in there house. * 1976 Gerald Ford's would-be assassin, Sara Jane Moore, is sentenced to life in prison. * 1977 The Kδlvesta air disaster kills 22 people, the worst air crash in Sweden's history. * 1986 The Living Seas opens at EPCOT Center in Walt Disney World, Florida. * 1990 AT&T's long distance telephone network suffers a cascade switching failure. * 1991 The United Nations deadline for the withdrawal of Iraqi forces from occupied Kuwait expires, preparing the way for the start of Operation Desert Storm. * 1992 The international community recognizes the independence of Slovenia and Croatia from the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia. * 1993 Salvatore Riina, the Mafia boss known as 'The Beast', is arrested in Sicily after three decades as a fugitive * 1999 The Racak incident: 45 Albanians in the Kosovo village of Racak are killed by Yugoslav security forces. * 2001 Wikipedia, a free Wiki content encyclopedia, goes online. * 2005 An intense solar flare blasts X-rays across the solar system. * 2005 ESA's SMART-1 lunar orbiter discovers elements such as calcium, aluminum, silicon, iron, and other surface elements on the moon. * 2007 Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti, former Iraqi intelligence chief and half-brother of Saddam Hussein, and Awad Hamed al-Bandar, former chief judge of the Revolutionary Court, are executed by hanging in Iraq. * 2009 US Airways Flight 1549 makes an emergency landing into the Hudson River shortly after takeoff from LaGuardia Airport in New York City. All passengers and crew members survive.
May your day bring you strength, peace and healing, and then empower you to bring those to others.
_________________________ You don't have to believe everything you think
#138750 - 01/15/1007:42 AMRe: Round Table for Friday, January 15, 2010
[Re: Phil Hoskins]
EmmaG
member
Registered: 09/16/07
Posts: 1841
Loc: Florida Piney Woods
Lovely and thank you, Phil. The music is a wonderful way to get started.
It's 32 in the piney woods this morning and supposed to go up to 70. We've had 15 days in a row of freezing temperatures -- a record for us. Watch for produce to be in short supply and expensive during the next few months -- Florida produce includes squash, green beans, strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers.
Stay warm --
EmmaG
_________________________
"I believe very deeply that compassion is the route not only for the evolution of the full human being, but for the very survival of the human race." The Dalai Lama
#138751 - 01/15/1008:12 AMRe: Round Table for Friday, January 15, 2010
[Re: Phil Hoskins]
Almost Naomi
Moderator
enthusiast
Registered: 01/02/06
Posts: 2364
Loc: Vermont
Wonderful, Phil...enjoyed the photos...the laughs...and when I got to the music I just closed my eyes and went into it. Good start to the day. Now it's off to work for a while...
_________________________
"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace." ...Albert Schweitzer
#138825 - 01/15/1011:32 PMRe: Round Table for Friday, January 15, 2010
[Re: Phil Hoskins]
olyve
Moderator
veteran
Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 7342
Loc: Athens, Ga.
Phil, the images are beautiful. I love the statue. I've got the music going now. What a quiet wonderful way to end the day. It doesn't snow that much here but when it does our pine trees look and sound like that when they start melting.
I'm putting all y'all to bed soon, guys. Night!
_________________________ "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."