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#218548 - 04/01/12 01:35 AM Miscellaneous humor thread
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
If you have a humorous item - be it a joke, a picture, a video, or whatever - and you don't feel like giving it a thread of its own, just post it to this thread. smile

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#218549 - 04/01/12 01:36 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#218550 - 04/01/12 01:38 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
Two Jews were walking down the street when they passed a Baptist church. Out front was a sign, "We'll Pay You $100 To Convert".

Shlomo says, "Can it be possible?"

Shmuel says, "No way. I'll go in, and watch, they'll stiff me."

So Shmuel goes in. Four hours later, he comes out again.

Shlomo asks, "Nu, after all that, did they give you the $100?"

Shmuel replies, "Is that all you people think about?"

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#218551 - 04/01/12 01:39 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#218553 - 04/01/12 01:41 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA


_________________________
A feathered biped in the terminal part of the arm is equal in value to a pair of feathered bipeds in densely branched shrubbery.


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#218554 - 04/01/12 01:54 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
A frog walks into a bank.

He approaches a teller and says, "Hi! I'm Mick Jagger's son and I'd like a loan."

The teller, not a little taken aback at this unusual request, stammers out a reply, "Um, er, sir, um, loans are applied for with one of our loan officers. If you wish to apply for a loan, please see the loan receptionist," and he directs the frog over to a man sitting at a desk in a glassed in area adjacent to the lobby.

"Thank you," says the frog who departs to the loan area.

"May I help you?" asks the loan receptionist.

"Yes, please," says the frog, "I'd like a loan. I'm good for the money because I'm Mick Jagger's son."

"Yes," says the man. "I see." Not knowing quite what to do with this frog, he opts to direct him to the senior loan specialist. "Please go and speak with Ms. Patricia Mack, our senior loan counselor, she will advise you."

"Thank you very much," says the frog and he goes over to introduce himself.

"Good Morning," says the frog, "I am here to secure a loan from your bank. I can assure that I am good for the loan, as Mick Jagger is my father."

"Um, well, yes, good morning, my name is Patricia Mack, though everyone calls me Patty, and, um, well, err, please have a seat."

Eyeing the frog with prudent skepticism, Ms. Mack begins, "You see, when the bank makes a loan, even to the, um, offspring of celebrities, it is customary to secure collateral for the loan to be re-paid."

"But I assure you Ms. Mack..."

"Patty, please."

"Patty, thank you," says the frog. "I can assure that there is no risk to the bank, after all, I am Mick Jagger's son. If you ask the manager, I'm sure he'll agree."

"Um, uh, sir, yes, but you see, it is bank policy to provide collateral for loans, even to the scions of famous celebrities. It is simply how these things are done."

"Oh." says the frog. "Well, here then," he says, and reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a tiny porcelain pink elephant and places it gently on the loan counselor's desk.

"There," says the frog, "now you have your collateral, really, I am good for the money, you know. After all, I'm Mick Jagger's son. May I please have the loan?"

Ms. Mack eyes the delicate, tiny pink porcelain elephant. And looks at the frog, smiling expectantly. And then again at the delicate, tiny pink porcelain elephant.

"Very well, "she says, "I will confer with the loan manager. Please wait here."

Ms. Mack rises, and somewhat dubiously goes into the loan manager's office.

"Hello, Patty, what can I do for you, " says the loan manager.

"Well, there's this frog, see, and he says he wants a loan and that he's good for the money because he's Mick Jagger's son. I explained to him that it's bank policy to secure collateral again the loan and he gave me this...this...well, what the heck is this thing anyway?"

The loan manager smiles at her and says, "It's a nick nack, Patty Mack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
_________________________
A feathered biped in the terminal part of the arm is equal in value to a pair of feathered bipeds in densely branched shrubbery.


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#218569 - 04/01/12 05:14 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
issodhos Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 09/29/05
Posts: 12581
Definition of an optimist:

A man working on the roof of a twenty story building trips and fall over the edge.

As he is passing the tenth floor he says,
"So far, so good"

nyuk nyuk.:-)
_________________________
"When all has been said that can be said, and all has been done that can be done, there will be poetry";-) -- Issodhos

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#218571 - 04/01/12 05:33 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Ardy Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/22/05
Posts: 12005
Loc: San Jose, Ca USA


A son receives the news that his elderly Jewish father has been baptized by the local catholic priest. The son assumes that his frail father has been taken advantage of at this late stage in his life and rushes to set things right

After the son arrives, his father re-assures him of the soundness of his decision " Better one of them should die than one of us."
_________________________
"It's not a lie if you believe it." -- George Costanza
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves. --Bertrand Russel

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#218667 - 04/01/12 08:52 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#218669 - 04/01/12 08:53 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3488
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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