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#310293 - 01/10/19 10:14 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#310343 - 01/13/19 01:54 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#310344 - 01/13/19 03:56 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
logtroll Offline
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Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 10380
Loc: One of the Mexicos
Funny! Before the Trump Era I would not have believed that anyone could be so stupid... now I know that some 40% of American adults could be are.
_________________________
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.”
– R. Buckminster Fuller

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#310487 - 01/21/19 07:56 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
pondering_it_all Offline
veteran

Registered: 02/27/06
Posts: 10475
Loc: North San Diego County
Huffpopst has an article named:

5 Ways To Block Porn On Your Kids' Devices

But the funny thing is they have an ad for "PussyHats" on the bottom of the page, which means the page would be blocked if you turned on some of the porn blockers! Or some might block it because it uses the words "porn" and "sex" several times.

And of course, they never mention that despite all the software and hardware blocks you put in on your PCs and network, your kid is going to see porn at his friend's house. Blocking porn is about as effective as maintaining your kids belief in Santa Claus: Not much chance after 8 years old.

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#310776 - 02/06/19 07:19 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
A Texas State Trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Trooper's car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”

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#311283 - 02/27/19 06:41 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

The man pays the boy and hopes he's seen the last of him.

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "It's dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost."

"I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "It's dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."

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#311320 - 03/01/19 10:41 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
pondering_it_all Offline
veteran

Registered: 02/27/06
Posts: 10475
Loc: North San Diego County
Well, at least the priest was screwing somebody's grown wife and not the little boy. The Netflix show Big Mouth had that joke in it: A Jewish boy goes to Catholic confession and ends up accusing the priest of kiddie diddling. The priest insists he likes grown women and shows the boy a picture of his girlfriend.

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#311561 - 03/14/19 04:05 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: pondering_it_all]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#311738 - 03/27/19 06:39 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
pondering_it_all Offline
veteran

Registered: 02/27/06
Posts: 10475
Loc: North San Diego County
Apparently there is a hot market for razor wire in Tijuana. People are buying it up to fortify their homes. Nobody has admitted so far where it all came from, but I am pretty sure it's the stuff the army has been putting along the border! "I built a wall around my house, and Donald Trump paid for it!"

I suspect the same thing will happen if they build the steel barricade fence too. Soon it will look like an old broken comb as people steal the pickets for roof beams. You don't even need to saw it. A little thermite will do the trick and that's just rust and aluminum powder. They have rust and aluminum powder in Mexico. They also have oxy-acetylene cutting torches.

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#311749 - 03/27/19 09:32 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: pondering_it_all]
jgw Offline
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Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 3684
Loc: Port Angeles, WA
You got it exactly right! Again!

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