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#222308 - 05/11/12 08:02 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Phil Hoskins Offline
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Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
ROTFMOL
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#222337 - 05/11/12 11:41 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#222341 - 05/11/12 11:51 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
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#222350 - 05/12/12 12:17 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
logtroll Offline
veteran

Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 10277
Loc: One of the Mexicos
Originally Posted By: Golem

Whoa! Mitt Romney is using this watch for his campaign platform!
Originally Posted By: mittromney
Value: Poor people can't buy it, which makes it automatically better. The sad-face expressions on people at the soup kitchen when I show it off are beyond priceless. One time I made a guy think I was going to give it to him because he liked it, but then I was like "naw man, you would probably just sell it and buy a house or something. That's lame."

Ability to conquer foreign lands: This watch actually caused several earthquakes in third-world countries when I set my alarm for multiple time zones.

Ability to offend hippies: It offends hippies. All of them.

Ability to offend bleeding-heart whiners: This one chick was like "you could sell that and build a house for poor people!" And I was like "yeah, I totally could. But that would be stupid because then I wouldn't have this awesome watch." She was upset, which was pretty cool.

Ability to cure disease: If everyone bought this watch, absolutely no money would go to disease research and all the people with disease would die so all the disease would die with them. It's sound logic and in the owner's manual for the watch.
Awesome!
_________________________
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.”
– R. Buckminster Fuller

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#222686 - 05/15/12 09:41 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
A woman was looking to renew and update her welfare status.

Welfare agent: “Your application states that your husband died five years ago, but you report children aged four, three, two, one, and one in the oven. Can you explain this?”

Applicant: ”He died, I didn’t!”

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#222905 - 05/18/12 05:55 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#223596 - 05/23/12 08:33 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#223819 - 05/25/12 03:39 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#224694 - 06/03/12 05:06 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#224696 - 06/03/12 05:06 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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