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#230412 - 07/23/12 09:10 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
'
A Canadian, and an American are walking together down a road, when they stumble upon a lamp with a genie in it. After they rub the lamp, a Genie pops out and says, "Okay, you each get one wish each, who's going first?"

American: "Me, ME, ME!!! I want a 20-foot brick wall around all of the USA to keep the Canadians out."

Genie: "Granted!" POOF

Genie: "Okay Canadian, It's Your turn!"

Canadian: "Is that wall you put around the USA waterproof?"

Genie: "Yup!"

Canadian: "Fill 'er Up!"
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#230416 - 07/23/12 09:31 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: numan]
logtroll Offline
veteran

Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 9441
Loc: One of the Mexicos
Canucks love skeeters and muskeg. "Fraid the latitude might make more reg'lar swampland than muskeg, though.
_________________________
You canít solve a problem without first understanding what the problem is.

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#230429 - 07/23/12 10:42 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
'
CANADA APOLOGIZES TO THE USA
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television :

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audience we did, and you flooded our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, MUCH better than yours. By way of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it!! It's very nice.

Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#230434 - 07/23/12 11:37 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: numan]
logtroll Offline
veteran

Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 9441
Loc: One of the Mexicos
Originally Posted By: numan
...
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. ...

Not to pick, or nuthin', but...

Canadian forests
Quote:
There is 35% more mill capacity in BC than there is forest on Crown land, but that isn't stopping BC's companies. ...In the Yukon, the federal government is giving away the ecologically-sensitive boreal forest to BC companies for only $7.00 a truckload.

Quote:
AAC reductions on government land in BC have been forced because there's not enough wood left.

Quote:
Companies in areas that have little wood left are pushing into BC's boreal forest to the north. The government's Timber Supply Review for the last great untapped reserve of boreal forest in northwest BC has paved the way by stating logging could be maintained at ten times the current rate. If approved, this cutting rate would devastate the area's forest, its wildlife, and the livelihoods of the many people, including native Indians, who live off the land or make their living as tourism guides. Growing conditions in these northern regions are so difficult that it is doubtful whether these forests will grow back once they have been cut...

Quote:
When last seen by the BC public, this Forest Practices Code expressly allowed 40-hectare clearcuts, made provisions for much larger clearcuts under the excuse of eradicating insect infestations and disease, did not require a sustainable rate of harvest, did not give adequate protection to fish-bearing streams or domestic watersheds, and gave district forest managers the discretion to disobey virtually any and all of its so-called regulations. It offered no protection for biodiversity under the law, only discretionary guidelines, and it is said that now even these are being gutted.
A recent scientific report says the west coast fishery may be on the verge of collapse.A recent study showed that the new Forest Practices Code is overwhelmingly inferior to forest practices now required across the border in the United States.


I truly wish Canadians would wake up from their zombie-like trance and do something about the rapacious corporatists to whom they are enslaved.

(It is humorous how pointing one's nose too up in the air so deprives the owner of detecting what is going on just beneath it!)





Edited by logtroll (07/24/12 03:52 PM)
_________________________
You canít solve a problem without first understanding what the problem is.

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#230445 - 07/24/12 01:37 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: numan]
Ken Condon Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 06/14/07
Posts: 3859
Loc: Eugene, OR
Quote:
Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

ROTFMOL

That was funny. Was being the key word. The craft beer brewed in the US got so good (in the past 30 years) that the Canadians were forced to follow suit and brew some decent brew themselves.

Molsons, Labatts, Kokanee, and even Moosehead were at one time slightly superior to US macrobrews but it took the good ol US of A to show them Canucks how to brew a decent craft brew. So the ehíers to the north had to follow suit.
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

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#230533 - 07/24/12 02:57 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Phil Hoskins Offline
Administrator
Bionic Scribe

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
Potatoes



Well,
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard- boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ). So that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for
her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw?!?!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.......

Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?

*

*

OK!
Here it is!

*

*
*


*

A
COMMONTATER
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#230542 - 07/24/12 03:21 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Ted Remington Offline
old hand

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 4939
That was appealing.
_________________________
Take the nacilbupeR pledge: I solemnly swear that I will help back out all Republicans at the next election.

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#230544 - 07/24/12 03:23 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Ted Remington Offline
old hand

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 4939
And I assume that when she told her parents of her plans she had stars in all of her eyes.
_________________________
Take the nacilbupeR pledge: I solemnly swear that I will help back out all Republicans at the next election.

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#230582 - 07/24/12 05:39 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Ted Remington]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
Originally Posted By: Ted Remington
That was appealing.


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#230583 - 07/24/12 05:40 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA



This is the real A-Team intro:


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