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#232512 - 08/09/12 04:15 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: numan]
Phil Hoskins Offline
Administrator
Bionic Scribe

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
What's in the box?

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food.
She picked up four cans and took them to the checkout counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat.

A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store.
They sold her the cat food.

The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food.
Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog.
A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."

So she went home and brought in her dog.
She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.
The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.

The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box
that would harm her.
So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly pulled it out.

She said to the little old lady,
"That smells like s***."
The little old lady said,
"It is.

I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."

Don't mess with old people.
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#232513 - 08/09/12 04:21 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Phil Hoskins]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
ROTFMOL

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#232520 - 08/09/12 06:19 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#232660 - 08/10/12 05:21 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#232672 - 08/10/12 07:03 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?


'I had a hard time with ayn rand because I found myself enthusiastically agreeing with the first 90% of every sentence, but getting lost at, "therefore be a huge a--hole to everybody."'


Edited by numan (08/10/12 07:04 PM)
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#232787 - 08/11/12 03:30 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#232985 - 08/12/12 05:41 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#233017 - 08/12/12 11:24 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
Have you ever wondered what the difference between grannies and grandads is?

A 5 year old granddaughter is usually taken to school daily by her grandfather.

One day when he had a bad cold, his wife took the grandchild.

That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different!

"What made it different?" asked her parents.

She replied, "Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, Asian prick, or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!"

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#233071 - 08/13/12 11:38 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Ted Remington Offline
old hand

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 4939
She probably navigated to school on the wrong route using the old Tate's Patented Compass, invented and patented by my late uncle Tate Remington. It was beautiful to look at, but never pointed north. Within the family we knew that "he who has a Tate's is lost."
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Take the nacilbupeR pledge: I solemnly swear that I will help back out all Republicans at the next election.

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#233104 - 08/13/12 04:21 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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