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#245446 - 12/07/12 11:59 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Lillibet Offline
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Registered: 12/19/05
Posts: 2262
Loc: Chicago, Illinois
Originally Posted By: Golem
And, loses a week's pay waiting in camping line to get that $50.
_________________________
"I am young, whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy." ~~~ Kato Havas

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#245603 - 12/09/12 05:55 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#245608 - 12/09/12 07:18 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#245618 - 12/09/12 10:05 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
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Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?


· · · · FULL-SIZED IMAGE


Edited by numan (12/09/12 11:09 PM)
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#245712 - 12/10/12 09:38 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
The Greatness of Socrates

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469-399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually, I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.


It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

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#245720 - 12/10/12 09:59 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
numan Offline
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Registered: 08/06/08
Posts: 10853
Loc: What! Me Worry?
'
Considering what a harpy Xantippe was, I am sure that Socrates would have realized what a favor Diogenes was doing him.

Therefore, the man was wrong -- the news would have been useful to Socrates.
_________________________
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools -- Herbert Spencer

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#245731 - 12/10/12 11:18 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#245770 - 12/11/12 04:38 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Phil Hoskins Offline
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Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase

"You Gotta Be Shittin Me?"

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where theywere heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman...

A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters .'

And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#245771 - 12/11/12 04:42 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Phil Hoskins]
logtroll Offline
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Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 10331
Loc: One of the Mexicos
Originally Posted By: Phil Hoskins
And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'

As my last ex-wife would then retort, "Would I sh!t my best turd!?"
_________________________
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.”
– R. Buckminster Fuller

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#245772 - 12/11/12 05:00 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: numan]
Ezekiel Offline
old hand

Registered: 08/06/05
Posts: 6387
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: numan
'
Considering what a harpy Xantippe was, I am sure that Socrates would have realized what a favor Diogenes was doing him.

Therefore, the man was wrong -- the news would have been useful to Socrates.




And they still wonder why the poor fellow drank down the poison as if it were wine!
_________________________
"The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them."
Lenny Bruce

"The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month."
Dostoevsky




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