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#268738 - 02/26/14 01:16 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Joe Keegan Offline
veteran

Registered: 12/25/05
Posts: 8707

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#268774 - 02/28/14 04:33 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#268785 - 02/28/14 05:06 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Phil Hoskins Offline
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Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
Golem, that is great ...and we got our tickets to Burning Man again!
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#268799 - 03/01/14 07:16 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Phil Hoskins Offline
Administrator
Bionic Scribe

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
A man received the following text from his neighbor:

“I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I don’t have any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again”.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in:

‘Damned autocorrect! I meant "wifi", not "wife"’
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#268955 - 03/06/14 04:59 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Phil Hoskins]
Phil Hoskins Offline
Administrator
Bionic Scribe

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
and thats how the fight started


My lover was hinting about what he wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
He said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought him a bathroom scale.
And that's how the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my lover about my experience at the Social
Security office. He said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability too.'
And that's how the fight started...
________________________________
My lover was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
He was not happy with what he saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, over weight and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's dam near perfect."
And that's how the fight started ....
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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#268978 - 03/07/14 05:51 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Phil Hoskins]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
LOL

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#268980 - 03/07/14 05:52 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#268988 - 03/07/14 08:11 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Phil Hoskins]
logtroll Offline
veteran

Registered: 04/26/10
Posts: 10243
Loc: One of the Mexicos
Originally Posted By: Phil Hoskins
and thats how the fight started....

Reminds me of the time my second ex-wife's mother from North Dakota said she didn't see what was so amusing about A Prairie Home Companion.
_________________________
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.”
– R. Buckminster Fuller

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#268991 - 03/07/14 11:36 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
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Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#269019 - 03/08/14 08:53 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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