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#273596 - 08/31/14 10:55 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."

"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.

Dan replied, "You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor! That's why I want the divorce!"

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#273624 - 09/02/14 05:26 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#273727 - 09/05/14 06:21 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#273788 - 09/07/14 06:30 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#273825 - 09/09/14 03:57 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA

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#273834 - 09/10/14 02:44 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Spag-hetti Offline
member

Registered: 09/10/08
Posts: 1672
Loc: Middle, USA
So, Rabbit and Bear are walking through the woods. They both step off the path to take a poop. Bear asks Rabbit, "Rabbit, does poop stick to your fur?"

Rabbit thinks a minute and says, "Nope."

So bear wipes with him.
_________________________
Just a Missouri school teacher ... stubborn as a mule and addicted to logic.

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#273836 - 09/10/14 02:54 AM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Spag-hetti Offline
member

Registered: 09/10/08
Posts: 1672
Loc: Middle, USA
First day of school, a little 8th-grade girl came into my classroom, looked around, and asked where I kept my "therosaurus." I said, "Not here, he's too dangerous."

(A few days later a boy in the same class asked me how to spell "miscelanthelus," which, he said, meant "everything else.")


Edited by Spag-hetti (09/10/14 02:56 AM)
Edit Reason: trouble spelling made-up words
_________________________
Just a Missouri school teacher ... stubborn as a mule and addicted to logic.

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#273873 - 09/10/14 11:10 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
The Story of Adam and Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a s*** one way or the other.

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#273882 - 09/11/14 03:57 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Golem Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 03/12/12
Posts: 3862
Loc: Orange County, California, USA
NSFW:
Click to reveal..

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#273886 - 09/11/14 07:59 PM Re: Miscellaneous humor thread [Re: Golem]
Phil Hoskins Offline
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Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 21134
Loc: West Hollywood, CA
LOL
_________________________
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul

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