Capitol Hill Blue
Posted By: Scoutgal Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/01/15 03:55 AM
Welcome To Reader Rant

For October, 2015!




Happy Halloween! Halloween or Hallowe'en. A contraction of "All Hallows' Evening"), also known as Allhalloween, All Hallows' Eve, or All Saints' Eve, is a yearly celebration observed in a number of countries on 31 October, the eve of the Western Christian feast of All Hallows' Day. It initiates the triduum of Allhallowtide,[10] the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed believers. Within Allhallowtide, the traditional focus of All Hallows' Eve revolves around the theme of using "humor and ridicule to confront the power of death."

According to many scholars, All Hallows' Eve is a Christianized feast initially influenced by Celtic harvest festivals, with possible pagan roots, particularly the Gaelic Samhain




American tradition has children dressing up in costume, and going door to door asking for a treat. Attending Halloween parties is also popular for not only children, but for teens and adults as well. If you have young children, please accompany them and make sure that their masks(if they use one) do not inhibit their sight. Also check over their candy, before they eat it(making sure not to eat all the good stuff grin ) And you can always bob for apples and/or make popcorn balls with caramel



Samhain is a Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the "darker half" of the year. Traditionally, Samhain is celebrated from sunset on 31 October to sunset on 1 November. The festival falls approximately halfway between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice. It is one of the four Gaelic seasonal festivals, which are also celebrated approximately halfway between the two yearly solstices and equinoxes: Imbolc, Beltane and Lughnasadh. Historically, it has been widely observed throughout Ireland, and later the Isle of Man and Scotland. Similar festivals are held at the same time of year in other Celtic lands; for example the Brythonic Calan Gaeaf (in Wales), Kalan Gwav (in Cornwall), and Kalan Goańv (in Brittany).

The Mound of the Hostages, a Neolithic passage tomb at the Hill of Tara is aligned with the Samhain sunrise. Samhain is mentioned in some of the earliest Irish literature and is known to have pre-Christian roots. Many important events in Irish mythology happen or begin on Samhain. It was the time when cattle were brought back down from the summer pastures and when livestock were slaughtered for the winter. As at Beltane, special bonfires were lit. These were deemed to have protective and cleansing powers and there were rituals involving them. Samhain (like Beltane) was seen as a liminal time, when the spirits or fairies (the Aos Sí) could more easily come into our world. Most scholars see the Aos Sí as remnants of the pagan gods and nature spirits. It was believed that the Aos Sí needed to be propitiated to ensure that the people and their livestock survived the winter. Offerings of food and drink were left for them. The souls of the dead were also thought to revisit their homes. Feasts were had, at which the souls of dead kin were beckoned to attend and a place set at the table for them. Mumming and guising were part of the festival, and involved people going door-to-door in costume (or in disguise), often reciting verses in exchange for food. The costumes may have been a way of imitating, or disguising oneself from, the Aos Sí. Divination rituals were also a big part of the festival and often involved nuts and apples. In the late 19th century, Sir John Rhys and Sir James Frazer suggested that it was the "Celtic New Year", and this view has been repeated by some other scholars.

In the 9th century, the Roman Catholic Church shifted the date of All Saints' Day to 1 November, while 2 November later became All Souls' Day. Over time, Samhain and All Saints'/Alll Souls' merged to create the modern Halloween. Historians have used the name 'Samhain' to refer to Gaelic 'Halloween' customs up until the 19th century.

Since the latter 20th century, Celtic neopagans and Wiccans have observed Samhain, or something based on it, as a religious holiday. Neopagans in the Southern Hemisphere often celebrate Samhain at the other end of the year (~30 April – 1 May).



Aos Si(Samhain nature spirit


Halloween is also the time of year when children collect donations for the March of Dimes and/or Unicef, so please be generous.







BOO!!!



Have a great month, Ranters! cool
Posted By: Doug Thompson Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/01/15 08:20 PM
Please join us in a Happy Birthday wish to us! Capitol Hill Blue is 21 years old today (does this make us legal?). I started this web site on October 1, 1994 and it continues today as the oldest political news site on the Internet.

I'm not sure if I own CHB or it owns me. I'm also back to writing columns for the site and will be adding some other features over the next month or so.

Thanks to everyone here for their support and help and my overdue gratitude to the moderators here for all they do. Without you we would not be here.

Doug
Posted By: Ken Condon Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/01/15 09:08 PM
And a happy 21st birthday too. 21 years is an eon for a political publication. Good job!

Question: Have you returned to riding your motorcycle or have you retired from that endeavor?
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/01/15 11:12 PM
Yay for CHB and Reader Rant!!!


Posted By: Doug Thompson Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/01/15 11:34 PM
Bought a new Harley Switchback and have just under 15,000 miles on it in just a few months. I've been riding a bike for 52 years now and my parents were riders. It's in my blood. ThumbsUp
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/02/15 12:51 AM
Originally Posted By: Doug Thompson
Bought a new Harley Switchback and have just under 15,000 miles on it in just a few months. I've been riding a bike for 52 years now and my parents were riders. It's in my blood. ThumbsUp


Very cool, Doug! Post of picture of you riding it, when you can. ThumbsUp
Posted By: NW Ponderer Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/02/15 12:55 AM
I just got a buddy through the rider course (took it with him) so he could get an endorsement. Now I have a riding partner! It's convenient I own two bikes...
Posted By: Ken Condon Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/02/15 05:38 AM
Man. You are a tough old codger.

I ride too and have done so since my early teens. My dad wouldn’t let me have a street bike (thank you dad) so I rode 2 cycles up in the hills of Oahu. Yamaha’s, a Bultaco, and some old stripped down street Honda). I bought my first street bike while in my early 20’s and then a few Harley’s beginning in 1988.

I am not partial to Harley’s though even if I currently do own a 1998 Electra Glide. Been toying with the idea of getting a BMW of some sort even if finances and inertia keep me with that ol FLHTCI. I’ve put enough upgrades into that machine now that I cannot justify getting another expensive toy to replace it.
Posted By: NW Ponderer Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/02/15 03:14 PM
I got both of my Beemers for under $5000 (each). Both used, low mileage, and (at the time) less than 10 years old. My first was a bit older, but ridden for 7 years and 40,000 miles (and the victim of a hit and run). I can't ride cruisers anymore for ergonomic reasons. (BMWs are expensive to repair, though.) One looks like this: the other looks like this:
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/03/15 07:26 PM
NWP~Nice bikes!
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/03/15 07:30 PM
WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height..,"
And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton !"

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/03/15 10:19 PM
Free Sex When You Fill Up With Gas

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10 and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were very close, the lucky number was 7.

Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up.
Again Paddy asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2.

The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3, you were very close but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied,

'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week.' Free Sex When You Fill Up With Gas
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/04/15 06:36 PM
Saw this on Facebook this morning.

Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/04/15 08:41 PM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height..,"
And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton !"

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."


ROTFMOL
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/04/15 08:43 PM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
Free Sex When You Fill Up With Gas

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10 and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were very close, the lucky number was 7.

Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up.
Again Paddy asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2.

The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3, you were very close but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied,

'No it's genuine enough Mick. My wife won twice last week.' Free Sex When You Fill Up With Gas

ROTFMOL
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/04/15 10:51 PM
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/05/15 02:47 PM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal


Sad but so true rolleyes
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/05/15 02:47 PM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
Saw this on Facebook this morning.



It should be hollow in the center - i.e. no brains...
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/06/15 11:50 PM
This might be a popular one for the pumpkin chunking contests.
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/07/15 05:29 PM
Just as I suspected! ROTFMOL

Quote:
47-year-old Billy Jo Ray from DeQuincy, Louisiana who owns an AK47 and weighs 425 lbs said he does not agree with the study. “I don’t give a go*damn what these fact checkin’, fancy scientists think. My one-half inch johnson satisfies all the ladies in town. I’ve never heard any complaints from my cousins once.


Super Official News

Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/08/15 06:50 PM
Originally Posted By: Ezekiel
Just as I suspected! ROTFMOL

Quote:
47-year-old Billy Jo Ray from DeQuincy, Louisiana who owns an AK47 and weighs 425 lbs said he does not agree with the study. “I don’t give a go*damn what these fact checkin’, fancy scientists think. My one-half inch johnson satisfies all the ladies in town. I’ve never heard any complaints from my cousins once.


Super Official News



Bwahahahaha!
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/08/15 06:50 PM


Meet Walter Barnes - All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man! Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes. "Mr Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," he replied gruffly."Mr Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands."Oh, Mr Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years
and not have an enemy in the world?" The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,

"I outlived all the bastards" - and he calmly returned to his seat.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/08/15 08:13 PM
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/10/15 08:34 PM
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The WOMEN WON.
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/10/15 08:53 PM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The WOMEN WON.


ROTFMOL ROTFMOL
Posted By: Greger Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 01:25 AM
It's a shame we don't have a "Like" button like Facebook has. So many things roll through here that I'd like to be able to give a quick thumbs up to but sometimes pages go by and a comment just seems irrelevant.
Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 02:57 AM
Originally Posted By: Greger
It's a shame we don't have a "Like" button like Facebook has. So many things roll through here that I'd like to be able to give a quick thumbs up to but sometimes pages go by and a comment just seems irrelevant.
ThumbsUp
Posted By: Greger Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 03:25 AM
Close, but no cigar. It still requires a quote and a reply box.
Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 03:33 AM
It was a very inefficient thumbs up...
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 05:27 PM
Happy Birthday, Phil Hoskins!!!


Posted By: Greger Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 05:49 PM
Indeed! Though I haven't heard so much as a peep from him since I returned here I do hope he has a wonderful birthday.
Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 05:52 PM
I think Phil went all-in Burning Man.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 06:07 PM
I heard from Phil on Facebook, but he isn't on there much, either. frown
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 10:15 PM
Was wondering what happened to Phil...
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 11:08 PM
Originally Posted By: Ezekiel
Was wondering what happened to Phil...


I know that he has been very busy. But he is missed.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/11/15 11:24 PM
Posted By: NW Ponderer Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/12/15 05:20 PM
from XKCD -one of the best comics on "Tha Internets".
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/12/15 06:03 PM
Originally Posted By: NW Ponderer
from XKCD -one of the best comics on "Tha Internets".


ROTFMOL
Now where have I heard that before!!!! ThumbsUp
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/13/15 05:45 PM
Originally Posted By: Ezekiel
Originally Posted By: NW Ponderer
from XKCD -one of the best comics on "Tha Internets".


ROTFMOL
Now where have I heard that before!!!! ThumbsUp


Great cartoon! ThumbsUp
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/14/15 05:19 AM


Rethugliclowns: ***piffle*** Some debate. No one screamed "Mexicans go home!" once.
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/14/15 09:46 PM

Great minds think alike cool :

Posted By: Greger Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 02:06 AM
Quote:
“Bernie Sanders’s behavior towards Hillary Clinton Tuesday night has raised some grave questions about him in voters’ minds,” Foyler said. “If he treats people with decency and civility now, what kind of President would he be?”


Borowitz Report
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 02:19 AM
Originally Posted By: Greger
Quote:
“Bernie Sanders’s behavior towards Hillary Clinton Tuesday night has raised some grave questions about him in voters’ minds,” Foyler said. “If he treats people with decency and civility now, what kind of President would he be?”


Borowitz Report

Clearly the extremist T-Baggers feel that civility is a sign of weakness.
Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 02:24 AM
Originally Posted By: pdx rick
Originally Posted By: Greger
Quote:
“Bernie Sanders’s behavior towards Hillary Clinton Tuesday night has raised some grave questions about him in voters’ minds,” Foyler said. “If he treats people with decency and civility now, what kind of President would he be?”


Borowitz Report

Clearly the extremist T-Baggers feel that civility is a sign of weakness.

TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 04:13 AM
Originally Posted By: logtroll
Originally Posted By: pdx rick
Originally Posted By: Greger
Quote:
“Bernie Sanders’s behavior towards Hillary Clinton Tuesday night has raised some grave questions about him in voters’ minds,” Foyler said. “If he treats people with decency and civility now, what kind of President would he be?”


Borowitz Report

Clearly the extremist T-Baggers feel that civility is a sign of weakness.

TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!

Eggzactly.

====

(Still no Simon for you? Trolling SUA is fun. cool Hag Dorothy has really been off her game lately. smile )
Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 04:41 AM
Dude, I've been cured.
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 12:46 PM

We'll see about that. laugh
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/15/15 02:18 PM
The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

Don't ever underestimate old guys.
Posted By: NW Ponderer Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/17/15 05:09 AM
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/17/15 04:39 PM
Originally Posted By: NW Ponderer
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!


LOL! ThumbsUp
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/17/15 07:30 PM
How to traumatize your dog:



LOL
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/18/15 02:33 AM
My cell phone went on the fritz today, so Mr. Scoutgal, my son and I went to the AT&T store to pick out a new one. I got the iPhone 6s. Techy Boy(older son) set it all up for me, and I am now enjoying it. grin
Posted By: Greger Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/18/15 02:59 AM
Cell phones don't work out here in the swamp. Too far from the towers, I'm located dead between the two nearest ones and neither gives me a signal. Last time my landline went on the fritz I had to drive four miles to get a good enough signal to call and report the outage.
But I've finally found a wireless company that will work here. Republic Wireless operates entirely on wifi when it's available and switches to a regular cell phone automatically if there is no wifi. And it's dirt cheap! Another big plus in my book.
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/18/15 11:34 AM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
My cell phone went on the fritz today, so Mr. Scoutgal, my son and I went to the AT&T store to pick out a new one. I got the iPhone 6s. Techy Boy(older son) set it all up for me, and I am now enjoying it. grin


Cool. But just be on the lookout:

Iphone 6s Overheating
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/18/15 02:04 PM
Originally Posted By: Ezekiel
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
My cell phone went on the fritz today, so Mr. Scoutgal, my son and I went to the AT&T store to pick out a new one. I got the iPhone 6s. Techy Boy(older son) set it all up for me, and I am now enjoying it. grin


Cool. But just be on the lookout:

Iphone 6s Overheating


Thanks for the warning!
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/20/15 03:54 PM
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city. Because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. "Lead us not into temptation.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/20/15 03:55 PM
It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.

The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya Hoya". The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.

"I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. "Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/20/15 05:20 PM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.

The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya Hoya". The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.

"I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. "Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."


ThumbsUp ROTFMOL
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/20/15 08:56 PM
Hilarious! How golfers really want to act when they've missed a putt! ROTFMOL

Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/21/15 09:18 PM
You know what I really hate?

On the little news video clips where they keep going to an oblique camera angle of the person who is talking. It pisses me off so much that I click off of the video as fast as I possibly can...

Hmm
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/22/15 05:28 PM
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/24/15 06:29 PM

You know the Benghazi Hearings were a big "meh" when Fox News switches in the middle of them to The Five Idiots where Greg Gutfeld shared diet tips. coffee
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/24/15 06:43 PM
Yep. There was nothing new, no huge discoveries that would have sunk Hillary Clinton's chances. coffee
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/24/15 11:54 PM
This is what war does to us:

Posted By: Jeffery J. Haas Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/27/15 02:55 AM
Know what I really hate?



Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/27/15 07:13 PM

Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer John called the local police station to complain, "You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens," he said to the local police officer.

"What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've still got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!"

So again, they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, "Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

In order to get Farmer John off his back said "Sure. Put up your own sign.

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, "How's the problem with the speeding drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down..

So he drove out to Farmer John's house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

'NUDIST COLONY' ? ? 'Slow down and watch out for chicks
Posted By: Jeffery J. Haas Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/27/15 10:20 PM
That was awesome, Donna smile
Posted By: Jeffery J. Haas Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/28/15 01:53 AM
Posted By: Phil Hoskins Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/28/15 02:21 AM
OMG ROTFL
Posted By: Jeffery J. Haas Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/28/15 04:32 AM
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/28/15 04:12 PM
Originally Posted By: Jeffery J. Haas


ROTFMOL ROTFMOL LOL ThumbsUp
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/28/15 06:38 PM
Looks eerily familiar:

Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/29/15 07:18 PM
The 2.99Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for$2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said, 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/29/15 09:13 PM
Posted By: pdx rick Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/30/15 07:06 PM

Posted By: logtroll Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/30/15 07:39 PM
Originally Posted By: pdx rick



Hyuk, hyuk...
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/30/15 08:59 PM
They ain't THAT dumb smile
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/30/15 09:24 PM
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled a bucketful of
nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the
nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. A couple dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one
for you, one for me.."

He just knew what it was. He jumped on his bike and rode off. Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing the
souls!"

So the old man hobbled slowly to the cemetery, with the boy close
behind him.

When they got to the fence they stood still and heard, "One for you,
one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's
see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still
unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence and we'll be done".

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/30/15 10:11 PM
Posted By: Ezekiel Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 12:41 AM
Originally Posted By: Scoutgal

ROTFMOL
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 02:19 PM
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 02:22 PM
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, she stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked,


"Will I be acquitted?"
For some reason, wives tend to like this joke...
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 02:25 PM
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
Because he had no-body to go with.
Posted By: 2wins Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 02:36 PM
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 08:17 PM
Originally Posted By: 2wins
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle.


I love groaners! LOL
Posted By: 2wins Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 08:42 PM
I know. I follow you on facebook LOL
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 09:28 PM
Originally Posted By: 2wins
I know. I follow you on facebook LOL


Mr. Scoutgal cannot understand why I like them, but my dad used to tell y sisters and I jokes like this all the time. He passed in 2003, and I still miss him. When I see these jokes, it reminds me of him. grin
Posted By: Jeffery J. Haas Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 09:43 PM
Hey 2wins, be my FB friend too!
Posted By: Greger Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 10:06 PM
Have a a happy and blessed Samhain everyone!
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 10:08 PM
For everyone and especially Greger!

Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 10/31/15 10:16 PM
Posted By: Spag-hetti Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 11/01/15 03:08 PM
Why can't witches have babies? Because warlocks have halloweenies.
Posted By: Scoutgal Re: Round Table For October, 2015 - 11/01/15 03:39 PM
Originally Posted By: Spag-hetti
Why can't witches have babies? Because warlocks have halloweenies.


LOL
© ReaderRant