Today's Birthdays
There are no members with birthdays on this day.
Current Topics
Coronavirus: The Plague of The 21st Century?
by chunkstyle - 01/22/22 01:49 AM
National Commission to Investigate the January 6
by perotista - 01/22/22 01:11 AM
Interesting read - maybe
by pdx rick - 01/21/22 06:39 PM
Gerrymandering
by perotista - 01/21/22 06:34 PM
The long and winding road to Dumbass
by chunkstyle - 01/21/22 02:53 PM
Winning
by perotista - 01/20/22 05:14 PM
Round Table Winter 2021
by pdx rick - 01/20/22 03:05 PM
Texas hostages
by Mellowicious - 01/20/22 03:57 AM
Lindsey v. Mitch: Senate cage match
by logtroll - 01/15/22 05:11 AM
Don't look up
by jgw - 01/14/22 10:42 PM
Complexity Science
by Jeffery J. Haas - 01/12/22 06:34 PM
What's for dinner?
by pondering_it_all - 01/02/22 09:37 PM
RoundTable For Fall 2021
by Mellowicious - 01/02/22 04:21 AM
Divorce: American Style
by pdx rick - 12/31/21 01:56 AM
Gimme some of that good ol time religion
by pondering_it_all - 12/23/21 08:19 PM
Popular Topics(Views)
9,801,334 my own book page
4,863,157 We shall overcome
3,979,025 Campaign 2016
3,621,480 Trump's Trumpet
2,875,339 3 word story game
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
Page 106 of 166 1 2 104 105 106 107 108 165 166
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 21,134
Administrator
Bionic Scribe
Offline
Administrator
Bionic Scribe
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 21,134
A girl came skipping home from ! school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!
"Very good," said her Mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the Mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.
See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very Good," said her Mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes it's because you're blonde!"
The following day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we showered all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
She lifted her blouse to reveal a pair of 36C's.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"No, honey, it's because you're 24.


Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
ROTFMOL

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut!

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
I received this in an email from a friend. I have no idea whether this is a true story or not, but I like it.


I saw the cell phone thing first hand. My wife and I were just seated in a booth, my wife with her back to a man in the booth behind her, and me facing my wife and thus the other man's date. The woman was on her phone talking intently to a friend as we sat down.

They were served their food just after we were seated, the woman still on the phone.

She continued talking on the phone as she ate.

Even just being able to see the back of the man, I could tell by his body language he was becoming very upset with the woman. She continued on the phone for the entire meal, talking loudly and annoying everyone seated within earshot.

The phone conversation ended when the server brought the check.

Now the good part. The man said to the waitress, "We'll have separate checks, please."

The woman's mouth dropped open and she said, "But I didn't bring any money! We're on a date and you're supposed to pay."

The man replied, "You're right, we WERE on a date. You have a phone. Call your friend to bring you some money. You talked to them all night and you ignored me. Ask them for a ride home, too."

At that, the man walked to the cashier, paid for his meal and left the woman sitting there dumbfounded. My wife and I, along with the other patrons annoyed by the woman on the phone, all wanted to jump up and cheer this man for doing the right thing.

Bad me. I would have stood and clapped!

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 11,605
Likes: 83
veteran
Offline
veteran
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 11,605
Likes: 83
I heard a variation on the thrifty-wife joke: When she gets the bad news, she pulls out a duffel bag filled with money. The husband is thrilled, but he notices something strange so he asks her: "Why are there so many fifties and hundreds?"

She replies: "Not everybody is such a cheap bastard as you!"

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862
Golem Offline OP
enthusiast
OP Offline
enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,862

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 11,734
Likes: 58
L
veteran
Offline
veteran
L
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 11,734
Likes: 58
Something light-hearted for the climate change deniers...

Doonesbury


You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.
R. Buckminster Fuller
Page 106 of 166 1 2 104 105 106 107 108 165 166

Link Copied to Clipboard
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 46 guests, and 1 robot.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
SuZQ2, KevFilthyANML, Risky, Gladys G. Jackson, Beach Baby
6,297 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums61
Topics17,275
Posts313,963
Members6,297
Most Online294
Dec 6th, 2017
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5
(Release build 20201027)
Responsive Width:

PHP: 7.4.27 Page Time: 0.032s Queries: 36 (0.022s) Memory: 3.0391 MB (Peak: 3.2529 MB) Data Comp: Zlib Server Time: 2022-01-22 05:26:57 UTC
Valid HTML 5 and Valid CSS