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I started reading a book on anti-gravity and now I can't put it down.


milk and Girl Scout cookies ;-)

Save your breath-You may need it to blow up your date.




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What do you call a cat that steals?
A PURR-snatcher

(Not a cat burglar?)


milk and Girl Scout cookies ;-)

Save your breath-You may need it to blow up your date.




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85-year-old Biker Bob was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. ’

The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained, 'Well you see, doc, it’s like this. “First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Sally, the Gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

Bob replied, 'Yep, none of us could get that damn jar open.


milk and Girl Scout cookies ;-)

Save your breath-You may need it to blow up your date.




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How to quickly determine is an assaulter is mentally ill or a terrorist:



Contrarian, extraordinaire


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K
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K
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Quote:
’Yep, none of us could get that damn jar open.

Drum roll-cymbal crash.

Keep ‘em coming (sorry) Scout. We appreciate the levity during these trying times.


Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
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The funny spuds were a-flyin'!

Why? Cuz they are levitaters...


You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.
R. Buckminster Fuller
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old hand
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Originally Posted By: Scoutgal
85-year-old Biker Bob was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. ’

The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained, 'Well you see, doc, it’s like this. “First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Sally, the Gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

Bob replied, 'Yep, none of us could get that damn jar open.


ROTFMOL


"The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them."
Lenny Bruce

"The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month."
Dostoevsky



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Originally Posted By: logtroll
The funny spuds were a-flyin'!

Why? Cuz they are levitaters...


LOL


milk and Girl Scout cookies ;-)

Save your breath-You may need it to blow up your date.




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So The Daily Beast ID'd the wrong guy yesterday, giving out details of where he lived and there was never an Editor's correction or update - until today.

I'm sure being named Muslim of the Week by The Daily Beast wrongly never put that family in jeopardy in conservativeish San Berdoo County or in any danger what-so-ever.

Sheesh!! rolleyes

The (Dumbass) Daily Beast


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One day a father, on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have:
Work Out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95
Skater Barbie for $19.95 and
Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers, "'Sir..., the Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's Truck, Ken's House, Ken's Fishing Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Dog, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made from Ken's testicles.


milk and Girl Scout cookies ;-)

Save your breath-You may need it to blow up your date.




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