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There was this guy who had been to about every bar in town. So one night, he hopped into a taxi cab and told the driver to take him to the best bar in town. The cabby took him to a bar, where he got half-drunk. He hopped into the same cab and said that the bar wasn't good enough -- take him to another one. The cabby took him to another bar, where the guy had the time of his life.

The next morning, this guy was in yet another bar telling his buddy what a good time he had the night before, but he couldn't remember where he was. All he could remember was a red door and a golden toilet seat.

"Man, we gotta find this place," said his buddy.

So the two spent half the day searching for a bar with a red door until they found one. They walked in, and the guy asked the bartender, "Was I here last night and too drunk to tell? All I remember is a red door and a golden toilet seat."

The bartender hollered to the back, "Hey, Fred! Here's that son of a bitch who took a sh!t in your tuba last night!"

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A missionary on a South Pacific island was walking with the village chief teaching him English.

As they passed a stream the missionary pointed and said to the chief, "Stream."

The chief looked and repeated, "Stream."

They walked a little further on the path and the missionary pointed to a bird and said, "Bird."

The chief looked and repeated, "Bird."

A little further down the path the missionary spotted a couple making love in the grass. Not really knowing what to say to the chief the missionary said, "Man riding bicycle."

The chief looked and pulled 2 blow darts out and shot both of them dead.

The missionary was horrified and asked the chief why he did it.

The chief replied, "Man riding *MY* bicycle!"

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It's the Despair Quotient!
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In Honor of Muhammad Ali:

I wrestled with an Alligator and tussled with a Whale,
I told Chris Christie to go to hell!
I out ran Cheetahs and out swam fish,
I told Dr. Ben Carson you make me sick!
I roared louder then a Lion and made a Horse eat hay,
I slapped up Donald Trump and I stole his toupee!


Long live The Greatest!


"The Best of the Leon Russell Festivals" DVD
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