and thats how the fight started

My lover was hinting about what he wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
He said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought him a bathroom scale.
And that's how the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my lover about my experience at the Social
Security office. He said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability too.'
And that's how the fight started...
My lover was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
He was not happy with what he saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, over weight and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's dam near perfect."
And that's how the fight started ....

Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul