Penis Surgery...*

*A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.*

*The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the
freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."*

*The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."*

*The man perks up.*

*"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I
understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a
nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she
might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you
make a decision."*

*The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.*

*The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"*
*"Yes I have," says the man.*

*"And has she helped you make a decision?"*

*"Yes" says the man.*

*"What is your decision?" asks the doctor*

*"We're getting granite counter tops."*

Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul